It’s not even three-quarters of a mile long and stretches through neighborhoods almost entirely lined with homes, so it’s not the most significant street in Missouri’s Houston.
But it might be the most interesting, because it goes by two different (albeit similar) names: Hawthorne Street and Hawthorn Street. Best I can tell, there’s no clear-cut way of nailing down the right one.
Traveling on it leads to a quick and simple conclusion, as “with-e” dominates the street signs at intersections, 6 to 3. That convincing victory might have been even more so, but someone must have stolen the sign at King Street, because there isn’t one. Then again, maybe without-e could have closed the gap with one more sign at King.
But not so fast.
A City of Houston employee said that the city doesn’t appear to have an “official” version of the street’s name, but when it’s entered into the city’s computer system, it’s without-e.
However, the Houston Police Department goes with-e.
“Whenever I write up a report, I use the e,” Chief Tim Ceplina said.
Incidentally, Ceplina pointed out the Hawthorne/Hawthorn isn’t the only road in Houston with an identity problem, as signs saying Ozark Street and Ozark Avenue can be found along the same route. But that’s another issue, and not the one being dealt with at this time.
For the cyber-record, Google (the all-seeing eye of the Internet) doesn’t list the e.
Looking at real estate websites further discombobulates the matter, because there’s a fairly equal distribution of with e and without e with regard to listings on the street (whatever its name is).
The only two businesses on the street – both churches – aren’t much help either. On their websites, Houston United Methodist indicates it’s at 422 Hawthorne Street, while Houston First Baptist says it’s at 1241 Hawthorn (one would have to assume there’s been no divine intervention to clear things up).
But wait, the U.S. Postal Service would (rightfully) be considered an expert on addresses, right? Well, our local postmaster – Mike Beasley – said post office records have the street with no e.
Ditto for the United Parcel Service. Randy Head – a delivery driver familiar to most people who have lived here any length of time – said UPS doesn’t have the e in its system, just Hawthorn.
Which, of course, makes with-e’s convincing street sign victory even more interesting and mysterious.
But rather than settle for a hodgepodge of human answers, I asked Gertie (the Permapup) what she thought of the situation and she had an idea that would certainly alleviate the confusion 100-percent (but might not be all that practical).
“Change the name to Pork Chop Lane,” she said.
“Maybe not,” I said.
I guess in one sense, the street’s dual personality offers people who live on it a rare form of choice, and isn’t that what being an American is all about? So maybe instead of making this street’s name consistent, we should offer the same choice everywhere.
I know, I know – changing half the signs all over town would incur too much expenditure. Just sayin’.
Not that it matters in any way, shape or form, but having examined all the information and evidence, I’m leaning toward “with-e.” I submit that the e isn’t there for no reason on most of the signs. Somebody knew something.
As they say, where there’s smoke there’s fire.
I suppose the good news is, we’ve lived with the signage and other contradictions related to this street for years, and not much chaos has ensued and nobody’s been hurt because of it (at least not that has been reported). In turn, leaving the mess alone is – in all likelihood – probably safe.
But as William Shakespeare might say if he was alive and gave a hoot about the subject, “to e or not to e? That is the question.” To reword another phrase made famous by ol’ Billy Shake, “a street by any other name would be, um, a street.”
Translation: Whether you travel on Hawthorne Street or Hawthorn Street, you’re equally likely to get where you’re going.
Doug Davison is a writer, photographer and newsroom assistant for the Houston Herald. Email: ddavison@houstonherald.com.
